Sometimes I begin to think that my whole life is a fallacy. It's like I'm living in a tragic movie. All the people and places are fake and everything is already scripted. Everyone that's involved is having a big laugh, watching me go day to day thinking that I'm in control and making fun of me if I exhibit any confidence for even a moment. They mock me when I act like I think I know everything when really I know absolutely nothing. They know it all. It's like all the bad (and sometimes good) things happen to me just so whoever's running the show can ridicule the way behave.

I'm overstressed. It seems like whenever I'm finally feeling fine, someone or something sweeps in and messes everything up. But it's all my fault because I continue to do the same things over and over again even though I know how it all ends. I can't trust anyone, except maybe my parents. Not even my own siblings. Not even my friends (although I probably should because I love them all to death). Maybe I'm seriously paranoid. If anything goes wrong I tend to think that someone must be out to get me. And if anything good happens I know something bad will come with it. It's like a huge circle. AHHH!!!! I need a clear head. If I shut my eyes and try to relax it's like a big cloud is always blocking me from getting anywhere. I can't even just relax by myself and take time away from stressful things because it gets even worse. It's like I need to do MORE things to distract me from all the other things I'm already involved with.

This is probably really disorganized and unclear and messed up but it's how I feel right now and I can't talk to any one person about it so I'm writing it for everyone to see. For now I'm going to try to think of tomorrow as a new day...I hope.