life is unbelievable

I'm back to being confused. I need to write this down because at this particular moment I don't think there's anyone that I can talk to, even though there is. So it's like this: In general, I worry. A LOT. I assume everyone hates me or at least that some people hate me and are out to get me and even sometimes that no one really likes me and that they are only my "friend" because they feel bad. If people are nice to me and want to be my friend or get to know me I am shocked and I can't understand why. This is all transferring over to the whole confusing boy thing. We're just friends according to him, which is pretty much what we were anyway. TO ME (just to clarify that this is what I think, not the normal reaction), I would just automatically assume that he now hates me. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if he would never talk to me again, which is not the case. He DOES talk to me and I find that I don't know what to do. In my little fucked up head I think that he is only talking to me because he feels bad for me and that he feels like he HAS to talk to me or I'll be upset...aka he doesn't really like me or only talks to me but he feels he should so I'm not "hurt". When he does talk to me I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. I don't want to talk to him or I say that I don't want to talk to him, but only because I think he doesn't really want to talk to me. I kind of feel like I don't want to be friends with him because I don't think he really wants to be friends with me. I am only being mean and bitchy because I think he hates me and wants nothing to do with me at all. Does this make any sense whatsoever??? I don't know how else I am supposed to be acting. If I am a complete bitch to him, I guess in my head I think eventually he won't even want to talk to me anymore, or ever again. That makes my life a hell of a lot easier because it's like he never existed and it never happened and there is no worrying for me at all. I guess I feel the need to push him away in order to make it easier for myself. That way I don't have to worry about whether or not he really wants to be friends or not, or whether he just feels bad. If I don' talk to him at all then everything is "solved". On the other hand I feel BAD...really really bad. I am being dumb and mean for (kind of) no reason. It feels good to be mean, but I know what I'm really doing. The more and more bitchy I become, the less he'll want to talk to me which is exactly what I want, or is it?? It's like I want him to hate me and I don't know why. Perhaps I am just too immature to handle being just friends. Also, I really really really hate not getting my way so this way I'm tricking myself into thinking things are going the way I thought they would, where he hates me and doesn't want to talk to me. Overall I guess I can't handle even just talking to him and that's pretty sad on my part...in my little fucked up mind the world would be a better place if I never talked to him again and we went on acting like we don't even know each other. That is NOT what I want to happen because obviously he still wants to talk to me (even though I think he feels he HAS to) and I'm being retarded about it, not him like I've been saying. I can't handle this and I hate myself for being so over-analytical, THE END.

P.S. This is the result of a midnight emotional breakdown that I don't know how to deal with except write this.