This will make no sense...
Lately I've been feeling really strange things. Nothing is different and it's not the usual "depressed" feelings I tend to have or anything like that but it's more like I just don't know anymore. Everything that is happening to me doesn't seem quite right...like it's not real or it's not happening to me. Things that happened a day or two ago are feeling like weeks ago and everything is going so SLOW. I keep thinking about things that don't even matter and that I can't control and all the little things I should know about myself are disappearing. This is a dumb example, but my birthday, for instance, doesn't seem real or connected to me in anyway. I mean usually, people identify with things like that and that's a part of them. I think I realized this when I had to answer a question about it or verify my birthday or something. I don't know...maybe this is all about getting old and turning 20. I don't feel that old AT ALL. I think I'm in denial...I CAN'T be almost 20 years old already...everything that's happening to me CAN'T be happening. Maybe I'm just really immature and can't handle things on my own. Like, I can't picture myself living away from my parents in my own house/apartment/whatever and having my OWN life. I need to grow up. Everyone says I'm "mature" but WTF guys, I'm pathetic. I can't do anything on my own, I fuck everything up in my own life, I need my mommy and daddy like a little kid, and I need my friends for support. I don't know what I'd do if I had to move out RIGHT NOW and move to a different state or something and live completely alone cut off from everyone I know.
Bottom line: I need to face reality and grow up and realize I'm an ADULT now, I need to stop depending on people so much even though I THOUGHT I didn't that much until now, and I need to get a grip and stop thinking about this so much and enjoy everything in my "youth" as it lasts. Lastly, I need therapy harddddcoreeee :((((
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About Me
My current goals in life...
- >Stop trying to figure out what to do and just let things happen
- >Not have any goals?
- >Go with the flow
- >NEVER take things for granted
- >Help those that can be helped
- >Get out of credit card debt
- >Lose weight...I went back up :(
1 comment:
We are just stuck between a rock and a hard place at this point in our developement. The law says that we are adults, and we want to think that we are adults and mature and all that good stuff. At the same time, we don't want to become old, and be on our own, and we are quite comfortable where we are thank you very much. I have a hard fact that in exactly 3 months from now, I'm no longer going to be a teenager. WTF? I still feel like a little kiddie. But keep this in mind. You are a sophomore, you've got at least two more years left at home left, and if you're like me, you plan on staying home while attending grad school yet. So that's 4 more years at home for me. After that, I might not be moving out right away, due to wanting to save up enough money that I don't have to go into debt. So I've got quite a few more years living at home yet. If all goes according to plan... Try not to stress over it Jess, though if you need someone to vent to, you can always call me, I'm glad to listen. Hopefully, maybe I'll see you in a few days.
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