it's never gonna happen again

Ahhh it's been two whole weeks!! Umm last last week on Wednesday evening I was bored so I called up Ho and her lover and we traveled to stupid gay ass WM where I did NOT want to go blah. Matthew needed mouse traps or something and we stole food from Suckway. We also chatted with an acne faced girl who likes to share her personal life with everyone, ewww. Matthew also climbed into someone's car and put a mouse trap on the seat haaa...it was someone from our favorite Garden Spot. Next we drove to/around Lancaster listening to Panic aka Matt's lookalike and laughing at dumb stuff.

Thursday was work with my loves Monica and Heather. I can't even remember if anything exciting happened except that it was probably super busy...much like TUESDAY but for some reason Little P aka Phyllis needs to recognize and put on three people everynight again for the summer. I would love her, you don't even understand. So yeah. I think Heather's bf (aka cheapskate) went and bought her roses at WM while he was there and then handed them to her WITH THE PRICE TAG STILL ON THE PACKAGE, wtf??? I said if my boyfriend (if I had one, that is) did that to me I'd be like "Ummm noooo thanks loser".

On Friday I had to get up superrrr early and take my father all the way to work in Lebanon due to some window breakage that occurred in his car the day before. Of course it RAINED this day of all days. Lebanon is definitely creepy at 6 in the morning...especially the suicide Giant grocery store (loooong story). I had go there and buy milk and everyone stared at me and I almost committed suicide just looking at the building (inside joke). Next I came home and dind't take a nap like I should've. Around 3pm I had to go back and pick up my father and take him to Reading where we had dinner and it POURED like a bitch. I came home and died because my hair was fucked up looking. Lindsay came over and we went to WM to visit my love(s) Monica...and others. So basically it went like this:

Monica = talking normally
Lindsay = not talking too much (normal)
Andrew = TALKING WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH GOSH (even though we got along this time)
Brandon = ...
Jess = blankness and talking to Andrew who overwhelmed us with verbalization, what the hell?

So yeah I didn't talk AGAIN!! Shockerrrr. I hate myself, seriously (it gets worse later on in the week too, get ready). So Lindsay and I just drove around or something equally retarded. BORING. Saturday was gay Leola with "Jen" who is a neat freak and kinda weird and uhhhh yeah she's an oddball or "eccentric" as Nancy would say. It sucked balls, moving on. On Sunday I believe I worked with Lisa in the evening and it was busy due to retards not doing anything during the day (sorryyyy) and yeahhh. Lisa and her bro singing Pochahontas songs = the funniest thing ever. I love her!! Even though no one else apparently does.

Last week was gay and I worked a lot. Other than that Lindsay and I ventured out on Mondsay to B&N (loooove) to buy b-day gifts for her bro. I'm sure we went other places but I can't remember currently. Ohh yeah we went on creepy back roads in the general Reading/Blue Marsh area and saw cool sunsets. If I remember correctly I was hopped up on a Frapuccino and an energy drink and nothing else hahahah. After that I went to get my stupid cell phone charger at WM and ended up chatting away the evening with JN and MS, awww how fabulous. On Tuesday (aka 6/6/06 oohhh spooky...not) I went to visit Monica and Lisa with my computer and we laughed at funny things I wrote and listening to music and laughed and laughed and laughed. Shockerrrr Lindsay actually called me back for once and we went driving I think in Lancaster and around Rt. 23 muahahah. Nothing exciting happened and guess what!?!? We all survived 666...SHOCKER.

On Wednesday I had to work at NH but it wasn't so bad. Stupid whores I know were given the opportunity to attend certain graduations...blahhh. Hahahah BUT I was having a sucky day and when I got message from Ho about EJ and Pepe and later on heard about cigarettes and drinking and parties and boys and antique-ing my day got a lot brighter :)

Thursday was nothing nothing nothing then Lindsay and I decided at like 9pm to go see the Omen...good movie and by that I mean it was actually worth the $8.50 I paid to see it. I've seen parts of the original but not the whole thing in its entirety so I'm definitely planning on watching that soon. Oh, we went to Wawa as well but what else is new? On Friday I had to open Denver and I definitely had one of my little anxiety attacks due to fear of Peter Bond decking me or something when he found out that I was like a whole hour late openng the damn store. I like flipped out and almost hyperventilated and like hit my hand on my door of the fridge REALLY hard and it hurt for like 3 whole days after. Opening wasn't so bad because I got to work with Ashley and Peter never came, Greg did. Ummm definitely think Greg is the dumbest kid I've ever met in life....I DO NOT THINK YOU'RE HOT/LIKE YOU/ACTUALLY THINK YOU'RE FUNNY...I just find you entertaining and enjoy making fun of your stupidity and looks and the way you talk and everything about you, hahahah. Friday night was a BLAST with my "mom" and my little boyfriend/brother (ewww) Monica and Dawson!!! Again it was raining because God hates me and wants me to die but whatever. We took Lil' D to KOP and we had soo much fun at a mall for once. We did make up and perfume and lip gloss with Dawson in Sephora and he learned a bunch of new words from me such as "righto" and some from Monica such as "possibility"...aww I love that kid so much. Umm we had "dinner" aka Dawson ate like half of my food plus his own and did his model face while drinking through a straw. What a riot. Umm next he almost barfed all over the table due to overfeeding from me. Umm we took the long way home and flicked off gay roads called something involving Saints and Peters or something? Ummm I love Dawson??? Overall the night was fab and I, Jess Jennings, spent three and half hours in a MALL and I dind't buy A THING and I still had like 60 million times more fun than ever. Definitely doing it again sometime.

Saturday was more opening of Denver with Sam and we were DEAD, yayyy. My mom and I went to Philly at night to see my bro and had to go on a wild good chase to find him but we finally did and chatted with him and...Tony? Joey? Anyway he was wearing a hat and had tattoos and seemed normal enough that I dind't say "EWW" in my head right away. We also saw a crazy guy who is my bro's neighbor and had his poor dog's head out the window of his apartment talking to us and being an idiot and yelling stuff. The dog's name was Cinnamon by the way, awww. Umm death and not sleeping due to major traffic and then I had to get up fucking early as hell to open WM which also turned out to not be so bad. I got to work with Nancy who is always a trip and Steph who keeps it fun too. After work I made plans with the Ho to chill. We ended up first at TH and then in Lancaster at Tar-gay buying nothing and then having Starbucks. We also listening to amazing hardcore music in an attempt to be cool. Shaaaameeee shameeeeeee on meeeee hahahahahha. Ummm on the highway these two (hot) guys in a Jetta got angry at us and flicked Ho off because she's a fucking tailgater. We played "the game" which no one knows but like 5 people on earth. It made my whole night/weekend/week/life better. Nextttt we HAD to go to WM to get something for my mom and then home!

Yesterday was Monday and I volunteered then went straight to NH to work with EJ and Leah the knitter. It was "fun" and EJ danced around with my purse and sang 80s songs and actually remembered who I was. After work Lindsay and I went to Exton and had wonderful amazing food. Cut to like five minutes later when something retarded set me off and I went silent for about a whole half hour (rare). I'm serious when I say this...God has something against me. Not that he even exists, bitchhhh. But yeah, anytime some opporutnity comes along...snappp it's gone just like that and it probably seems like I overreact but it happens to often to me it's becoming a big deal...especially in certain situations. So ummm my 30 minutes of slience involved me trying to decide what to do.

The whole thing is complicated (only to me and only for me...it's actually very simple). So I thought tonight I'd get a chance to talk to someone but noooo that chance was taken away AGAIN. I was not planning on seeing this person until the next day and I really did not want to see them last night but I decided to go and visit anyway. It was either not go and be upset that I didn't get to see/talk to him and that I won't for a long time or go and be a loser and not talk and get upset that I didn't and just be a little happy that I got to see him. It's soooo simple and retarded and uncomplicated but it drives me nutsssssss. So we went and kids, I'm serious...SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME. It's like...everything that I say I want to happen is RIGHT THERE in front of me but I'm too "scared" to do anything about it. Welcome to my life. So basically I was a complete bitch/idiot/retard and IGNORED him the whole time while he stood there probably thinking "what the fuck" (ohhh and the messageeee...let's not even go there). I basically stated that I can't wait until I would get to see/talk to him and then I have the chance...wideeeee open Jesss go for it...but NOOOO I freeze up and die and then it's gone again. I don't even know what to do. I can't even figure out what the problem is. Maybe I'm afraid that if I do whatever and initiate something and then I was WRONG all along I'll be completely crushed. Like people tell me things and I see things that are good things and encouraging and stuff BUT what if there is nothing and everything I'm thinking about is a big mistake??? So to me it's easier to just ignore and wait for someone else to do something about it. I'm a follower, not a leader blahh.

At the moment I'm like in the middle about how last night went. I did talk A LITTLE and I got to see him so those are the only good things but the rest are allllll bad. I like passively initiate things and then expect the other person to take over, but he doesn't. And I know why, because I ignore it entirely. Why would anyone want to talk to someone who ignores them right? I understand the whole thing and what's wrong but I'm incapable of fixing it. So basically I'm kinda in a bad mood and keep thinking about it over and over which makes me feel like I need to be constantly doing something again, eww.

Ohhhh my god I'm done talking now. Leave me comments on here because I don't get any :)