how can this be so miserable

Wow...I just randomly read my horoscope for today and P.S. I do NOT believe in that stuff BUT it is definitely wayyy fitting for today. Also I found some old survey I took where you check off things you've done or whatever and since October of last year I've done TEN more things on that list. I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing yet ;)

Hmmm...my life. Sooo last Thursday at work was insanely busy but Sam (who I seem to be working with every single day, not that I'm complaining) and I used our amazing teamwork skills and kicked Suckway's ass. On Friday I'm pretty sure I slept all day and then got ready to go to Philly with Lindsay. Monica couldn't make it and then my brother ditched us too :( We had fun anyway even though it RAINED all over our lovely straightened heads, haha. The poster store is the best ever and so is Tower. After we left the most expensive parking lot on planet Earth we drove around and around Center City and then the University City area seeing big yellow clocks, statues, museums, hospitals, etc. I blew A LOT of stop signs and red lights, ooooops. Home, extreme tiredness, bed.

Yesterday (which strangely feels like a long time ago) I worked with Amber...fuuuun. Today I worked again with Sam and I had extreme anxiety due to being alone but then GB came and saved the day and he even bought me a bagel with cream cheese, awwwww. What a suck up. After work I hung out with Sammy Sue. We went to Target and I finalized my Sex and the City collection and then we drove reallllly far away to eat food and then we went to WM so she could get a newspaper.

While at WM we visited the lovely Lisa and her mystery co-worker who turned out to be none other than AS. Apparently I was being "mean" again and I greeted him in my usual way "Ewww it's you" and he slinked into the back and didn't talk the whole time...oops. Lisa cracked me and Sam up for a little and then on the way out I attempted niceness and wow it actually worked. We saw Ho and Brend...I mean MATTHEW in the Electronics department (no James) and chatted briefly. Matthew brought up ANOTHER boy and I realized I hadn't really thought that much about it/him since Tuesday. The "big secret" is out in the open now and surprisingly I'm like "whatever". Obviously, as opposed to what certain friends of mine tell me to make me feel better or whatever, he does not like me and I'll probably never even see him again so it's kinda done :( Umm continuing with the story, Matt unintentionally cracked a joke about someone with the last name of "Blewit" hahaaaaa. Uhh next Sam and I left WM to look at the newspaper for new jobs.

I've been slightly (ha) moody lately and I'm not sure why. Every other second I change emotions and I'm pretty sure some people are maaaaad at me, blah. I try to be honest and always tell people when I'm having a problem with them or something like that but sometimes you can't just say certain things to a person without hurting their feelings. Basically it's getting harder and harder to deal with a friend who, to me, seems like they take a lot of things for granted. I'm not necessarily saying it's a bad thing because I do it too, but I don't know how to respond to it anymore and I'm always apologizing for being moody instead of saying what's wrong. I guess, in a nutshell, I'm insanely jealous? I don't know. I feel like I'm hearing about how having it all (which I know isn't true really) sucks and blah blah blah. If YOU don't have it all, then I must have NOTHING. I feel like I'm being insulted indirectly even though I KNOW I'm not. I don't know what else to say about that. I'm NOT mad at anyone and I don't HATE anyone, I just feel worse and worse about myself the more I think about it. And after re-reading this I sound like a jealous, selfish bitch and I probably deserve feeling like shit for saying all these horrible things about my best friend. "Good"nighttttt.