you're causing a scene baby

It's two in the morning and I'm still awake. "Sleep is overrated" or something. Work tonight fucking SUCKED. I can honestly say that both Monica and myself cried at one point but for two completely different reasons. First of all, dickheads and assholes that work there need to grow the hell up and shut the fuck up. YOU ARE NOT PERFECT, open your goddamn eyes and stop blaming everyone else for your mistakes. The "mommy's little angel" act isn't going to work for long. This is why Monica cried. I cried because I was standing on some boxes like an idiot and they slid out from under me and I hit my legs on the METAL PROPANE TANK. I now have at least five black and blues on my body as well as some nicely placed cuts from ovens and knives (on my wrists and accidentally of course). FUN TIMES AT WORK.

I could go on for agesssss about all the shit that goes down at my job and how somehow the "adults" aka Monica and I (I know, I was shocked that I'm considered an adult too, don't worry) get blamed. Ahhh I can't stop ranting but it is just so UNFAIR. I know, I know life is unfair.

On a lighter note, tonight at work was EXTRA SPECIAL due to some hilarious WM workers and there crazy ways. Ummm first some bald headed black man told me his coffee was freezing and wanted it heated. I turn around to give it back to him and he's dashing towards the back of the store because he heard a crash. Later on Monica bumped into...I don't know what to call him since he has no name, yet. Umm Lispy?? That's good enough for now. So Lispy is all like "Heyyyy, do ya want my sandwich order now or should I just come in??" WHAT A PSYCHO, goshhh. So then he finally comes in. Note: he is wearing a dirty gray shirt with a white neck and does not reek of cologne. He tells Monica his life story about how his boss is pissed at him and he doesn't have a break that night and blah blah who cares. Anyway he gives her this dumb order and she doesn't write it down because he's all like "Yeahhh just put whatever on it, whatever you think I'd like" and WINKING and shit, HAHAHA. He leave and Monica freaks out about what to put on his sandwich. All we could remember is "stthhhweeeettt pepperssttthhh" because well, isn't it obvious.

So thennnn all these ghetto black people come up after he leaves and we're about to help them UNTIL who walks in but RAINBOW BRITE aka JEREMY, ahhhhh!!!! So he's all glasses-less and cool and gay. I was in shocked, it's been a long time. The "g-units" as Heather would say were taking about 7 years to decide what they wanted so I ignored them and rushed right over to Rainbow, I mean JEREMY to help him out. Without the glasses I got a good look at his little face, AWWW! He has bleached hair though, what the hell is that? 1997??? So yeah he's giving me weird looks and Monica is freaking out over Lisper's food and she's like "ASK HIM" and points at JEREMY and I'm like DIE DIE so I start talking to him about if he knows Lispface and we bonded over how weird Wal-Marters are and it went like this:

ME: Do you know this guy that works here...he's kinda weird...

JEREMY (gay): ????

ME: OH well I guess "weird" isn't a good word, you know...

JEREMY: HAHAHA yeah definitely not, they're all weird (GAY EYE ROLL)

ME: Yeah well he's like weird and has a lisp?? He's got spiky hair and some kind of facial peircing...he wears a green shirt.

At this point I'm like OMG I hope he's not offended by me saying this guy has a lisp and that he's not all hot and bothered at the mention of peircings and that he doesn't think I think he's queer because I assume he notices clothing choice on males.

JEREMY: I don't think I know who you're talking about.

At this moment Lispboy strolls past still wearing a dirty gray shirt, heading towards the employee room or whatever.

ME: THAT GUY RIGHT THERE!!

JEREMY: OH, that guy?!!?!? I'm not sure of his name but he did tell me yesterday when he came to pick up his paycheck in the office.

So nowwwww I'm like in stalker mode thinking that the reason I never see him working is because he works in the OFFICE. Next, I glance at his name tag/identification which just so happens to be hanging on his FRONT belt buckle of his neatly-pressed corduroy khakis. As assumed it says something about "Office Assistant" or whatever. At this moment in time I'm thinking "OMG I HOPE HE DOESN'T THINK I WAS LOOKING AT HIS CROTCH!!!!" Not that he'd mind since he hearts boys.

So then he finally orders his food blah blah, he likes veggies. He can't remember what carrots are called.

JEREMY: See?!?! I can't even remember the names of vegetables and you expect me to remember employees names?

ME (on the outside): HAHAHAHA
ME (on the inside): OMG I'M TALKING TO RAINBOW BOY, IS HE WEARING THE BRACELET TONIGHT?!?!?!

So then we exchange some more kind words and he talks about eating healthy and he's just so GAY and I love it. He exits.

MONICA: Ummm Jess? I'd probably say there was some definite flirting happened there. If he wasn't so fruity and gay-like.

Next we discovered the people that I brushed aside left, HAHA BYE!! I'm too busy with my gay lover. Ok so five seconds later LISPman returns and OMG he's wearing a FRESH shirt and he is REEKING of some delicious smelling cologne. I'm supposed to be cleaning stuff but at the sight of this idiot trying to impress Monica (MARRIED) with his dumb shirt and smelly stuff and peircings and lisps and flirting I spring to the back and cry and laugh. He leaves. Monica comes to check on me.

MONICA: Ummmmm was he wearing a different shirt?? And why the hell did he smell like that???

This is why I HATE to leave my job. I really shouldn't write in script-form because I remember pretty much every part of every conversation EVER so one day would be about nine thousand pages long. This is all the result of me not being able to sleep and finding it amusing to write stuff in the middle of the night and then reading it the next morning and finding all the typos and grammar errors. Oh, and the stupidity. Keep in mind, that little episode all happened in about 5.4203 minutes but it was definitely the most exciting part of the night. I'm sure there will be millions of opportunity to talk to Rainbowhead I mean JEREMY (awww) again. Oh, and where was James this evening and why does he wear green????????

Oh my woooord I am writing nonsense. But it's funny. I think. It's like New Years Eve now and in nine hours I have to work for eight hours. Sickness, I don't want to. Speaking of SICK I'm getting a cold. Due to dickheads complaining about the fucking floor being "unsatisfactory" and Monica getting in trouble I spent a grand old FORTY FIVE minutes sweeping it tonight. I was extremely dead after. That floor is ginormous. But today the highlight of my night was conversing with JEREMY. I'm pretty much in love with his gay self. Maybe we can be shopping partners and we can make fun of the WM weirdos together. Awwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!

In other news did I mention Action Action is superb and the Faint is my life right now. Nothing else exists. Tomorrow evening looks like Erin, Lindsay, Monica, Dave, and MY BOYFRIEND Dawsone coming to visit me and do nothing. Man we're losers, we don't even drink. I prefer to remember things I guess. I hope fag head is pleased with my sweeping and mopping skills. FUCK YOU. Monica was going to write DIE JOSH with oil and vinegar on the floor. Oh and Dave says Phyllis is too busy to notice her shithead son doing no work and sitting in the back drooling over his bitch. AHAHAHAHAH I couldn't have said it better myself. TOMORROW = FUN for sure. I'm excited for them all to come. I like when people come over. Awww my little bf Dawson, too bad there's a 16 year age difference.

HEY GUESS WHAT, on Sunday I'm doing nothing and then Monday I work and Tuesday I don't and I hope I have PLANS with a boy (haha) and then Wednesday is CHICAGOOOOOOO with cool kids and then I spend money and I'm happy. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!!!

I really should attempt sleep or I won't function right tomorrow. Bye idiots.